Why it is so easy for me to forgive

When I made the decision to forgive all the bullies and people that did me wrong in the past, most people would think I was crazy, I beg to differ. I forgave it because I didn't cause the pain that was inflicted upon me. They did what they did and said the things that they said to me because they did not understand that we all have our unique quirks and flaws and imperfections and behave the way that we do and we look like we do because we are all created in a unique and special way. I have always looked the way that I do and am the way that I am. I have the capabilities that I do and I embrace each and everyone of them. I had all of these before I even met or knew any of them.

I was never restricted by my family and was free to do whatever I wanted. I even was the one that said to my mom that I wanted to go to school, they did not decide for me, they found the pre-school and I went there. I had my share of ups and downs as any child does in a new environment but I adjusted quite quickly and once I was in school I was always excited to go to school the next day. This was the case even when I started primary school. My mom came down to my classroom with me to take me in there and when I got there I said goodbye to her and went into my class, I was ready for it as I have always been ready for anything and any new challenge in my life. I face life head on knowing I will always come through it. It is just how I am wired, I adapt to a situation in my life and as time goes by, things always get better and I get stronger on every level. Over the past 11 years I have been feeling like I was going through a kind of rebirth and returning to the person that I have always been.

Most, including my own mother at one point, thought that I was making decisions on impulse when in actual fact it was due to the fact that my time in that environment had come to an end and it was time to move on. Making that decision back in 2009 was the best decision that I had ever made. I made a conscious choice to just be myself no matter what and when that happened, I faced many realisations really quickly over all the crap I had gone through, I very quickly realised that I was never at fault for any of it and that was when the anger towards myself started to build up and many times over these years I have come into conflict with my family because once again I kept thinking it was my fault when it wasn't and I would beat myself up even more for not just walking away sooner. It has been extremely tough but I have always come through it and become a stronger person for it each and every day.

The only reason why I kept bashing heads with them was because they had seen it too and I was so angry about it that it would take ages before I would eventually find the strength to walk away and beat myself up for not seeing the truth when something always felt off. I have always been a very instinctive person and trusted them. It would always be up to me in the end to be the one that walks away and the reason why I would always get stuck in that trap is because the people would manage to get such a hold on me and no matter what I said about them being wrong about something and try to stop them from doing it, they would still be stupid enough to not listen to me and then of course there was the other side of the coin where I would get dragged down for doing better than somebody else to pip them to the post that they expected to get ahead of me.

I was never angry with them (my family), I was always angry at myself but now I have moved on and let all that anger go and to leave my mind and body which is very easy to do. This is because when bad things happen to, it is not the fault of the person that the pain is inflicted on, it is the fault of the person inflicting the pain upon you. I said in my last post, if you find yourself in the position whee people give you a hard time, it is not your fault, it never was your fault.

So, now that I have been able to explain that further, let's get back to the usual business and catch you up on the antics of the last few days with #ootd

This was yesterday's look:

And this is today's

Now, let us honour the little shining stars that these looks are paired with,

This was yesterday's

Now, here is today's

In final combination, this is how they look together

Yesterday

Now for today

The weather has been a bit funny the last few days but beautiful nonetheless, here is an update on how that looked

Yesterday

I have the best views of the Johannesburg skyline and I would not trade it for anything else in the world. I want to be able to see this whole view no matter where I live

Now for today's

This type of weather refers to what is known as a four seasons day, all four seasons in one day. It changes in an instant and if you are not paying attention, you will get caught in it.

Now back to what I was saying just to emphasize on it. If you or someone you know is going through this or has been through it in the past, be there for them, if they are having trouble with getting past it, it means it is continuing and they need the strength and love of a friend or family member to pull them through. Nobody should have to go through being bullied or picked on, it is outright wrong on every level. These days, we have a very powerful tool at our disposal, it is called social media, it can work both ways, you can tell your story to get it to stop or other kids will use it to bully people. Either way, it is bad and it is wrong. Don't let your children suffer or even your friends. The last thing anybody wants to go through is seeing it happen.

It took me many years and countless therapy sessions as a teenager and I have lost track of how many meltdowns I went through on my mother's shoulder because I was just so angry and had no idea how I was going to get through it, the pressure was extremely heavy, if you have never been through it, make sure you stay that way because the last thing you want to happen is this.

I know that it would be hard to forgive those that have or are doing you wrong, forgiving them gives you the peace of mind that it is not your fault, you are not to blame, always remember that.

So, until next time, see y'all soon

Enjoy your weekend.

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