Being open and honest

If there is one thing I have always been it is open and honest no matter what. Always be truthful. This is probably going to be the hardest post to write but it is the most honest one.

All my life I have tried to live a life of honesty and integrity. This is because I have always felt that if you are true to yourself then people will accept you for who you are. This, however, was not the case for me.

I spent most of my life being bullied and ridiculed for being as smart and as sharp as I am and virtually everybody had a hard time with this, including my teachers. They were actually so upset with my parents because by the time I got to school, a place I wanted to go, I could already read and write fluently and they were less than impressed by this. So instead of encouraging me to keep up the good work and giving me more challenging things to do, they just threw it back in my face. Those teachers that did encourage me and see the potential I held never really got the support from the rest of the staff.

I never gave up on learning more and more and wanting to do newer things. The trouble was also that I have a very bold and eccentric personality. I have a love and passion for strange things and natural things to. I always do things differently to others and again, I get it thrown back at me. It also means that I get a better result much faster than if things are done the same way as everybody else. I have always thought outside the box and tried to find other ways of doing things.

As a result of the constant criticism and judgmental attitudes of the people around me. I ended up in a position where I constantly became anxious, so much so that at age 15, yes, high school, I found myself in a psychiatrists office on antidepressants and sleeping pills and was failing the year. Something that had never happened to me before. Thanks to that intervention, I was able to finish the year and school, although not as well as I would have liked. I was also constantly being told by my classmates that i am stupid. I am far from it.

It really bugged me that people struggled with who I am as a person because yes, I am very bold and eccentric and out there. I love tattoos and piercings, yes I have both and plan to get more ink over the years. I am outspoken and say what needs to be said with no filter. Yes, I hardly have to make an effort with my appearance, my name is Greek for pure beauty after all. Which I am grateful for.

I am proud of who I am and what I look like. I love my curly hair, it irks me that certain people I know constantly want me to straighten it. As much as it looks nice like that, it is not its natural state. I have a good figure which the girls in school used to envy me for. I think almost all of them still do. I love being outdoors and being around people. For some reason there has always been this assumption that I am unsociable, unapproachable and unfriendly. What a load of rubbish. I am the nicest person you will ever meet.

I express who I am through my jewellery brand, Blaze Designs, yes it represents me as a person. That is who I am and I am not afraid to hide it. I am also highly gifted in other ways which most people consider to be unnatural but it is as natural as you are going to get.

10 years ago I made a choice to just be myself and see where the world takes me. So far I have gained so much confidence in myself and it shows in the way in which I basically do everything. Three months prior to making this choice, I got told by my doctor that I have G.A.D (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), really hit me hard but helped in the long run because I am way better now. Exercising on a regular basis has also played a large role in that regard.

What also used to bug me (and still does) was that regardless of the natural beauty I struggled with relationships. The boys would always look away from me for no reason and assume that I was ugly and unworthy. I never ever thought of myself that way but still they refuse to get to know me. I was literally the joke of the town. I found this very strange and it really put a knock on my self-confidence, hence the reason I landed up in therapy at such a young age. Nobody knew a thing which I was grateful for but the pain was always there because it was still a daily battle to be myself and for people to accept me as I am.

My first serious boyfriend decided to fall for his ex's crap and less than two months into our relationship went and dumped via SMS, switched his phone off for three days and went back to her. Had to be forced to face me and say goodbye like a man. I have been single since. That is almost ten years now. Hence the reason it bugs me because for some reason guys stop themselves from being with me. Your loss gentleman. I am at a point in my life where I am ready to settle down and be a wife and mother and make a man the happiest he has ever been.

I was constantly being told that I am too skinny and were always trying to fatten me up. I am genetically built small and have a fast metabolism. I was small in the chest and developed much later. That is just how my body works. Deal with it. I do.

The stupid remarks came from the fact that I am naturally blonde, so allegedly supposed to be dumb. Really? Some of the smartest women in the world are blondes. I am one of them. According to test results done in the same year as being in therapy, I can literally do anything that gets put in front of me and yes, photographic (100% long term) memory and 90% short term memory. I found those results the other day.

So back to the whole looks thing. If I were to put a really hot outfit and do my makeup, I was trying to impress someone and also got questioned for it and laughed at. How about just paying me a compliment that I look nice, would have been alot more appreciated that the jokes. A genuine compliment. As they say, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. You never know what someone is going through.

There was also this whole thing with everybody needed to know every aspect of my life. What for? I don't poke into your personal lives do I? I respected your privacy so why not respect mine.

This post is intended to be the kind that gets everyone to understand that I am a good person, always have been and just want my life to now come full circle.

Hope you enjoyed reading this and that it has given you some insight into everything.

#blazedesigns #mypassion #beingtruetoyourself #acceptance #bereal #lovewhatido